![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
conversations with a seagull...
many years ago...somewhere around 1995, i was involved in a vampire game. i know this because while i was cleaning stuff out this weekend, i found an old journal from that game. i played a character named Jereth Rose Mythscar...a tremere...who owned an occult bookstore named silver rose & quill. in this journal, there is an entry titled "requerda por toda via" which is dated 7/8/95. it's an entry made by jereth regarding her parents death anniversary and the wolves who invaded the city the night before.
in the same journal i actually wrote something myself...out of character...one day when i was at the pacifica pier. i have suffered quietly from depression for a very VERY long time. i've never been diagnosed as blah or blah...but i know that i suffer from it. i remember vividly that day (which sylvan can attest to is a miracle since most of my memories are long gone). while i was standing on the pier, a seagull flew down and stood next to me on the edge. he kept looking at me. as if he wanted to say something to me. and i wrote this story:
Conversation with a seagull
“girl” said the gull ”why do you stare at me?”
“i want to be like you,” said the girl. “i don't want to be human anymore. to walk on two legs, to run around like humans do, it's not for me. i want to fly, to run along the beach, to feel the wind under my wings holding me up!”
“but the Mother has made you one way and me another. this you may not change. she has made you with two strong legs to walk on, and beautiful long hair which the breeze blows through. you are able to go in from the cold and rain, to pick up your food with your hands. that is beauty. i must scrounge through the dumpsters and fish for my food. and even though my feathers keep me warm, sometimes i long for the indoors to feel the warmth of fire and the luxury of a bed. you should be happy with what you have”
“but what i don't have is freedom,” said the girl. “help me gull. help me to feel the freedom you have. i want to know what your life is like.”
“if you really want to know what it is like, i will help you,” said the gull.
“i do!” insisted the girl.
“then close your eyes and picture yourself” the gull started her on her way. ”imagine. dream. that is all you need to do. feel the wind through your hair. now believe that your hair is your down. feel your feathers on your head but only with your mind. do not move until i say.”
the girl did exactly what the gull said. she could feel the sea wind whipping through her hair, now her feathers, and finally through her soul.
“now imagine your face changing. your eyes on the side of your head. your nose and mouth becoming one beak. smell the salt in the air. see the ocean waves through your new vision. and now your arms. stretch them out to the side. go ahead. stretch our your wings and feel the air under them.”
the girl began to stretch her arms out to the side. instantly she felt as if she would be lifted up.
“i can't do this” she cried. “i'm afraid”
“you said you wanted freedom” said the gull ”and with freedom comes fear. fear of falling, of not having the stamina to keep up with the flock. fear that you will fail. but if you believe you can fly...you can! become one with us. believe that the wind can hold you, and it will.”
so she tried again., and this time she believed she was a gull. she spread out her arms and felt the wind lifting her body up. higher and higher she was lifted.
“now RUN” the seagull shouted.” RUN with the wind and FLY like a seagull”
so she ran, and she felt the wind lift her off the ground. higher and higher. she heard the waves crashing over and over on the beach. she smelled the salt from the ocean air. she wanted to see what she was sensing...so she began to open her eyes.
“NO!!!” shouted the gull “DON'T Open your eyes! You WILL fall!!!”
CRASH!!! the girl never knew what happened. suddenly she heard someone yelling behind her.
“call a lifeguard and an ambulance. someone just fell off the pier into the water!”
the man came to help her, but she felt nothing. all she could see was her body laying there in the water.
“gull” said the girl ”why do you stare at me?”
“because” said the gull “ you had every dream you ever wanted out of life, and you had to open your eyes to see if it was real when you knew it was not. now you have no life and you will join us in eternity. come, fly with me.”
and the girl felt herself flying higher and higher, yet her body was still lying in the water.
“gull” she said ”are you an angel?”
“i could be if you want me to.”
“gull? am i dead?”
“yes my child you are”
and the girl and the angel traveled onward to the girls future life.
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
i have more that i would like to write out of this journal. but right now i'm tired and need to get some sleep.
in the same journal i actually wrote something myself...out of character...one day when i was at the pacifica pier. i have suffered quietly from depression for a very VERY long time. i've never been diagnosed as blah or blah...but i know that i suffer from it. i remember vividly that day (which sylvan can attest to is a miracle since most of my memories are long gone). while i was standing on the pier, a seagull flew down and stood next to me on the edge. he kept looking at me. as if he wanted to say something to me. and i wrote this story:
Conversation with a seagull
“girl” said the gull ”why do you stare at me?”
“i want to be like you,” said the girl. “i don't want to be human anymore. to walk on two legs, to run around like humans do, it's not for me. i want to fly, to run along the beach, to feel the wind under my wings holding me up!”
“but the Mother has made you one way and me another. this you may not change. she has made you with two strong legs to walk on, and beautiful long hair which the breeze blows through. you are able to go in from the cold and rain, to pick up your food with your hands. that is beauty. i must scrounge through the dumpsters and fish for my food. and even though my feathers keep me warm, sometimes i long for the indoors to feel the warmth of fire and the luxury of a bed. you should be happy with what you have”
“but what i don't have is freedom,” said the girl. “help me gull. help me to feel the freedom you have. i want to know what your life is like.”
“if you really want to know what it is like, i will help you,” said the gull.
“i do!” insisted the girl.
“then close your eyes and picture yourself” the gull started her on her way. ”imagine. dream. that is all you need to do. feel the wind through your hair. now believe that your hair is your down. feel your feathers on your head but only with your mind. do not move until i say.”
the girl did exactly what the gull said. she could feel the sea wind whipping through her hair, now her feathers, and finally through her soul.
“now imagine your face changing. your eyes on the side of your head. your nose and mouth becoming one beak. smell the salt in the air. see the ocean waves through your new vision. and now your arms. stretch them out to the side. go ahead. stretch our your wings and feel the air under them.”
the girl began to stretch her arms out to the side. instantly she felt as if she would be lifted up.
“i can't do this” she cried. “i'm afraid”
“you said you wanted freedom” said the gull ”and with freedom comes fear. fear of falling, of not having the stamina to keep up with the flock. fear that you will fail. but if you believe you can fly...you can! become one with us. believe that the wind can hold you, and it will.”
so she tried again., and this time she believed she was a gull. she spread out her arms and felt the wind lifting her body up. higher and higher she was lifted.
“now RUN” the seagull shouted.” RUN with the wind and FLY like a seagull”
so she ran, and she felt the wind lift her off the ground. higher and higher. she heard the waves crashing over and over on the beach. she smelled the salt from the ocean air. she wanted to see what she was sensing...so she began to open her eyes.
“NO!!!” shouted the gull “DON'T Open your eyes! You WILL fall!!!”
CRASH!!! the girl never knew what happened. suddenly she heard someone yelling behind her.
“call a lifeguard and an ambulance. someone just fell off the pier into the water!”
the man came to help her, but she felt nothing. all she could see was her body laying there in the water.
“gull” said the girl ”why do you stare at me?”
“because” said the gull “ you had every dream you ever wanted out of life, and you had to open your eyes to see if it was real when you knew it was not. now you have no life and you will join us in eternity. come, fly with me.”
and the girl felt herself flying higher and higher, yet her body was still lying in the water.
“gull” she said ”are you an angel?”
“i could be if you want me to.”
“gull? am i dead?”
“yes my child you are”
and the girl and the angel traveled onward to the girls future life.
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
i have more that i would like to write out of this journal. but right now i'm tired and need to get some sleep.