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tonight i hate.
Oct. 31st, 2006 09:23 pmtonight i hate. tonight i hurt. tonight i bleed. tonight i feel numb. tonight i wish my mom was dead.
( Hate (I Really Don't Like You)--Plain White T's )
( Hurt--Nine Inch Nails (remade by Johnny Cash) )
( Bleeding Me--Metallica )
( Numb--Linkin Park )
everything in that song is perfect and exactly what i'm feeling right now.
( Wish You Were Dead--Scheer )
i haven't ever heard that song, but the lyrics are perfect.
i dont *want* to have thoughts like that, but how can i *not*??? she makes me feel that way. i know that killing myself isn't going to solve anything...it's just gonna make it worse. i just want everyone to stop telling me that her drinking is my fault. if michael hadn't died 40 years ago then i wouldn't be here and everyone would be so much more happy.
so...tonight i called a friend. he calmed me down and tried to come up with solutions. one of them was for me to move out there with him. it would be a good solution, but i would be thousands of miles away from tisa and from my friends. it would break my heart. i couldn't do that. after much consoling, i decided it was time for me to take a drive. at that point he said he loved me...and he used my real name. i broke down. it's been so long since someone has said they loved me and used my real name. i know he means it. he means it in his heart. i've always pulled away from him, but he is really the only man who has made me happy over the last 6 years we've known each other. we are always pulled together by something at random times in our lives. we always find each other and i know his love is real. i dont know what to do.
i'm tired. i need more tissues. i'm going to walgreens. then i'm coming home and going to bed. hugz would not be misplaced right now.
( Hate (I Really Don't Like You)--Plain White T's )( Hurt--Nine Inch Nails (remade by Johnny Cash) )( Bleeding Me--Metallica )( Numb--Linkin Park )everything in that song is perfect and exactly what i'm feeling right now.
( Wish You Were Dead--Scheer )i haven't ever heard that song, but the lyrics are perfect.
i dont *want* to have thoughts like that, but how can i *not*??? she makes me feel that way. i know that killing myself isn't going to solve anything...it's just gonna make it worse. i just want everyone to stop telling me that her drinking is my fault. if michael hadn't died 40 years ago then i wouldn't be here and everyone would be so much more happy.
so...tonight i called a friend. he calmed me down and tried to come up with solutions. one of them was for me to move out there with him. it would be a good solution, but i would be thousands of miles away from tisa and from my friends. it would break my heart. i couldn't do that. after much consoling, i decided it was time for me to take a drive. at that point he said he loved me...and he used my real name. i broke down. it's been so long since someone has said they loved me and used my real name. i know he means it. he means it in his heart. i've always pulled away from him, but he is really the only man who has made me happy over the last 6 years we've known each other. we are always pulled together by something at random times in our lives. we always find each other and i know his love is real. i dont know what to do.
i'm tired. i need more tissues. i'm going to walgreens. then i'm coming home and going to bed. hugz would not be misplaced right now.
