Any plan where you lose your hat

ok y'all...take a seat...this is gonna be a long and bumpy ride.

this weekend i went to baycon. more info on that later. suffice it to say i had a fan-fucking-tastic time! daemnor and i entered the masquerade with our Yzma & Kronk outfits and we even had that scene of the movie (audio part) playing in the background so we could lipsynch. and...we fucking won! we got a ribbon which i will post a pic of later for best in show for presentation. really it couldn't have been done without the help of steeleheart such a love! everyone made me feel so fantastic this weekend. even people i didn't know were saying "Hey we saw you in the masquerade and you were awesome!" it really didn't get old at all. so happy!

so you may or may not know that i went into the radiology department at seaton med center for a sonogram on Thursday (before con). they were looking for something and they weren't 100% sure what it was. **back story** when i went for the MRI on my back in January (? i'll have to look that up for sure), they took some extra pictures because the tech said she saw a small mass and wasn't sure what it was, but might as well look again for the hell of it. when she was done taking the pix, we brought the film out to mom and the tech explained that it might be some kind of cyst, but more tests would need to be done. so we sent the info to the doc and she ordered an ultrasound with a probe (**snicker** yeah) which i did on thursday.

so...while i was there the tech asked me if i had any kids...i said no just my niece and my cat that was enough. she asked if i planned to have any kids..i told her emphatically no...and we giggled. so i asked if she had found something and she basically said not anything that wasn't there already. so...the films were sent to the doc and yesterday (after stressing all weekend) i had my final appointment with her. she said that they think it might be a cancerous cyst on my right ovary, but they want to take blood just to be 100% sure. i nodded and said ok. she seemed a little taken aback by the fact that i was so calm eventhough she said the C word. i explained to her that i thought that might have been what it was. i was ready for it. i'm resolved to fight it if it is for sure. i have people around me (as was witnessed last night by the replies to my text and my twitter) who love me and want to be sure i'm ok.

NOW...i want to be 100% clear. there is to be NO CRYING. there are to be no tears shed if this is in fact the result. we will survive. shit we've gotten this far, who's to say that we can't go further. right now the focus needs to be on finding myself a job and getting me back to work so i dont obsess. i'm going in today to get the blood tests done, and as soon as the doc has the results, she said she would call. once i get the call, i will post, text, tweet, shout it to the world that i will be ok.

my schedule for today if anyone needs or wants to find me is this:
shower ('cos i smell like a goat)
go to blood test 12:00
go to seiler to pick up stuff from pat 1:00
go to pacifica pier (maybe linda mar beach?) 2:00
then i should be home after that. i will have my phone on, but i may not answer it right away, so please please leave a message. i'll make sure to clean out my messages so there is room.

thank you all for your replies last night. especially you (you know who you are). they really helped me know that everything will be ok if it really is the Big C. **hugs to everyone**